Friday, July 21

Letters to Myself: Senior.

I found this note on my computer's Notes. I wrote it roughly two years ago, before I graduated high school. 

Dear lovers,

Here I am: Existing in this milky way as a not-so-little girl anymore, about to end this label as a senior, and start a new label called mahasiswa

It’s scary to think how I will soon end the twelve years of education I had grown attached to, and begin another four years of education, with a different perspective and method. When I was in junior high, I saw the seniors so powerful and free, I wanted to become them so bad. And now I’m here. It isn’t as free as I thought it would be. To be honest, sometimes I don’t think I am mature enough to be called a senior, let alone an undergraduate. But I have no choice. The universe keeps spinning and so must I.

Ending school scares me so much. I am scared to loose the innocence of a school girl. I am scared to leave the people I’ve encountered with. I am scared to go to uncertain places where there is no guarantee of secure and comfort like school has. I am scared to forget my prayers, as school always reminds me every midday. I am scared to leave the classmates that has been there for me whether they like it or not. I am scared to leave my comfort zone I have had for twelve years.

But I am excited to leave school as well. Excited for the late nights and late mornings I get to have. Excited for the surprise trips out of the city when I am bored, without any responsibility of going to school. Excited for the new people I will meet. Excited for the places I will travel to. Excited for the long-awaited freedom. Excited for the uncertainty life is preparing.

I’m not a psychologist or anything. I am not licensed to give out tips on how to live your life as a senior. But let me say this:

You will no longer be a student. You will no longer have your favourite cafeteria food waiting for you every lunch time. You will no longer be treated like a child, however, you will be expected to behave like an adult. Sometimes, too much. But those things will happen later. Right now, you are a senior. You’re spontaneous, silly, fun, sometimes stupid. You’re young. Act like it. You only get to be a senior once.

The One Who Is Desperately Trying To Find a Prom Dress,
Janis

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